Want to Connect with Your Angsty Teen? Approach Them Like a Cat.

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Want to Connect with Your Angsty Teen? Approach Them Like a Cat.

Alex Koupal • June 20, 2024

Creating a Safe and Calm Environment Will Help You Reconnect With Your Teen

I was working with a client the other day who was struggling with getting her teen daughter to open up. Her daughter was rebelling and pushing away... like all teens do. Which doesn't feel very comfortable for an engaged parent!

In our parental support meeting, this mother was asking me for advice on how to get her daughter to engage with her. She had tried EVERYTHING and no matter how she phrased her questions or tried to show interest in her daughters life, she was constantly rejected. Met with resistance and sometimes even tears. Simple questions like 'How was your day" would set her daughter off into hysterics, ending in the ever famous words 'you're ruining my life" followed by the door slam.

My advice to her... treat her like a CAT. Yea... you heard me right, a cat. It might sound odd, but hear me out...

Dealing with angsty teens can be challenging, but treating them like cats might just be the key to understanding their behavior. Much like our feline friends, teens crave independence and have an innate desire to explore and push boundaries. It's in their DNA to challenge authority and resist restrictions, just as cats prefer to roam freely and disdain being confined.

Teens, like cats, often withdraw, For teens it's just a part of their natural development. This withdrawal is crucial as they seek to establish their own identity and find their tribe. Rebellion isn't just a phase—it's an essential part of growing up. They need the space to test limits and figure out who they are outside of their parents' influence.

Consider how cats demand attention on their own terms, but burst into your room at 5am, expecting you to cater to their needs. Similarly, teens might reject overt displays of affection but still need your support and presence behind closed doors. They might not always want to talk, but they value knowing you're there when they're ready.

Creating a safe, non-judgmental space for your teen is vital. Just as cats prefer to open up in comfortable environments, teens are more likely to share during car rides, vacations, or parent-child dates. Don't force conversations or pry into their lives; instead, share activities and allow them to come to you when they're ready.

By respecting their need for independence while providing a stable, supportive environment, you can foster a deeper connection with your teen. Remember, much like with a cat, patience and understanding go a long way. Most teens just want a safe place to land and don't want judgement or advice unless it's solicited.

Next time your teen lashes out and slams the door on you,.. treat them like a cat. Stay calm, ignore them for a bit, let them calm down, then slip a snack or a note under the door and walk away. Let them know that they are safe and when they are ready to come out and talk, you'll be there. Even if it is 2am. Eventually, they will venture outside their 'box' and share with you what is really upsetting them.

Good Luck and if you ever need support, we've got your back here at Alimental Life. Schedule a parental support call by clicking HERE.

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Tiktok, Social Media & Teens: How to guide without just saying, "Get off your phone!"

By Alex Koupal • April 9, 2025

Let’s be real: telling teens to “get off your phone!” doesn’t work. Social media is part of their world. For our teens, social media is how they connect, learn, and express themselves. So how can we help them use it wisely without sounding and being the villain? There’s a way to help them navigate social media mindfully, and no, it doesn’t involve a complete ban. 1. Start the Conversation, Not the Battle Instead of becoming the enemy and banning social media out of the blue, talk to your teen about what they’re doing on it. Is it for learning, creativity, or just entertainment? Understanding their “why” helps guide them to use it more purposefully. 2. Set Healthy Boundaries Together Instead of enforcing rules, involve your teen in setting healthy screen-time limits. It gives them ownership and responsibility over their habits. For example, “I’ll spend 30 minutes scrolling up on TikTok after school, and then I’ll switch to doing homework” can be a much better strategy than enforcing a rigid rule that feels like punishment. When your teen has a say in the boundaries, they’re more likely to stick to them. 3. Be a Role Model What adults do, Teens do! If we’re glued to our phones, constantly checking social media, it sends the message that it’s okay to get lost in the digital world. Model healthy habits, like setting phone-free times, taking social media breaks, or just being present during family time. Show them how to use social media in a balanced way by setting phone-free times and modeling healthy habits. 4. Encourage Real-Life Activities Social media is great for staying in touch, but it can never replace real-life experiences. Encourage hobbies, sports, or family time to keep them grounded. This way, they can create a well-rounded life that isn’t centered solely around the screen. Plus, those real-world experiences will give them something to post about on their feed! 5. Be Their Guide, Not Their Warden At the end of the day, we can’t control everything teens do online. But we can provide guidance, support, and resources to help them use social media in a positive and mindful way. Keep the lines of communication open and encourage them to have trusted mentors—whether it’s a teacher, coach, older cousin, or life coach—who can provide advice beyond just Mom or Dad. If you’re worried about your teen’s social media habits, let’s talk! Book a free parent support session.